The Thing I'm Most Scared Of
by MairiePeony
Summary: Ever since Maya Hart was little, she was afraid of commitment. People around her always leave, and why wouldn't they? She's a mess. But the love of her live doesn't mind her mess. After Maya discovers her pregnancy, he leaves. Not interested in raising a baby alone, she want to give it up for adoption. Then she meets someone from the past, and maybe she isn't alone. [Lucaya]
1. Positive attitude

**I'm sorry, this idea just flashed into my head. I hope you guys like it, and let me know if you have any ideas for the baby name, gender, and storyline. More coming up soon!**

* * *

 _God no god no god no,_ she whispered to herself. She chewed nervously her nails, looking at the clock. Just one more minute.

She felt nauseous again, figuring it was just the stress. At least, she hoped it was just the stress.

Because what is she was... No, she wasn't even going to think it. Just, aggressively avoiding, like the past couple of weeks.

She heard someone knocking on the door.

"Are you okay?', Riley asked.

"Y...yeah, just, give me a sec.', she answered.

"You don't have to do this alone, peaches."

She couldn't answer, because it was time. She wiped her sweaty hands on her pants and grabbed the stick.

Two little pink stripes that were going to doom her for eternity.

Maya is pregnant.

"Maya?', her best friend nervously asked.

Maya just couldn't believe it. She didn't felt pregnant. Maya just couldn't imagine that there was a little life growing inside of her.

And she hate to say it, but she didn't want to.

She wasn't ready to be a mom! She was just 23 years old. In the prime of her life. She had a bucketlist in her life.

She couldn't even imagine what her boyfriend was going to think.

Her boyfriend, Nico Costa, was the sweetest, cutest guy you could imagine. He had had beautiful brown curls. His eyes are so brown, it was almost black and a smile that could melt you. He loved Maya with all his heart, could endure all her moods and loved baking. God, Maya loved his baking. Not to mention, he was a art student just like her. That's where they met. In their first year, they disliked each other due to a disagreement. In their second year, they fell in love. In their third year, they became a couple. In their fourth year, they were known as relationship goals. After their study, they moved in with each other, in the cutest apartment you could imagine, down the hall from Riley's.

They planned everything. After their study, get an apartment together. Check. Find a steady job with a solid paycheck. Only Maya had that one done as soon as she finished college. She was a teacher at the same middle school where she went to. Nico was still looking, but he applied by a museum and a art gallery. After that, they would enjoy their life as childless people, drinking until they couldn't stand. And have sex every day. More than every day. And everywhere.

And _after_ they were in their 30's, get married and have children. Have to wake up every day at 6 am, carpooling and having sex once in the three weeks. Maybe less. Maya wasn't even sure if she wanted to have children. She loved children, but was she really fit to raise a baby, after growing up with half a mother and no father. And Nico, who was a orphan since he was six.

Where they really going to raise a baby?

Maya opened the door. "Positive."

"Really? O my god Maya that's so great!', Riley rambled happy. Then she stopped smiling. "Are you not happy?"

Maya just looked at the ground as she passed Riley and crashed on the couch. "Well, you know how I think about babies and all that kind of stuff, Riles. I want that, just... Not now."

Riley sat down next to her, holding her hand. "You're scared, aren't you?"

Maya just nodded. She felt tears stinging in her eyes, but she blinked them away. Not was not the time to be emotional. "Maybe it was just a false positive? That happens a lot, right?"

"I don't think so, Peaches. You've been trowing up, you've missed two periods, and not to mention you've been peeing like five times a hour-"

"Now you've said that I gotta pee again-"

They both laughed.

Riley looked at her. 'You're going to be fine, Maya. You have a awesome apartment, a cute boyfriend, and a good job. Just because you had a bad childhood, doesn't mean your child is going to have a bad one too."

"Riley, my mom got left when she got me. My grandmother got left when she had my mom. Her mother probably too. It just runs into the family. Nico will probably leave me too."

"What? No he won't! Maya, he loves you!"

Maya looked at her. "Does he?"

She heard the key go through the lock and the front door open. Nico walked to the living room, seeing the two girls sitting on the couch. "Love, you don't believe what happened today! I... Is everything alright?"

Riley stood up. "Everything is wonderful, Nico! I'll be going now. Maya, don't forget, we're meeting Farkle tomorrow at The Spotted Pig. Don't you dare to be late!"

She kissed Maya on her cheek, ran her hand through Nico's hair and left.

"What's a Farkle?"

Maya laughed. "He was a friend of mine and Riley's. We've known him since kindergarten, but lost touch since college."

"That's a long time', he said, while kissing her.

"Yeah... He and Riley got in a serious argument, and we had to pick sides. Of course I took Riley's. Our other friends took his side. Haven't seen them since. Riley ran into him a few days ago. They agreed to meet up, dragging me into it."

Nico laughed. Oh, that beautiful smile. "Sounds fun. Anything else happened?"

She sweats nervously. "Maybe you should sit down."

"Oh, ow. That doesn't sound very good He sat down, and pulled her on his lap. "Wait.. You aren't breaking up with me right?"

Maya shook her head, laughing. Then, in a eyebeam, she got serious. "I'm pregnant."

His laugh died. "You're what? Are you serious?"

She stared at him, not knowing whether he was serious or not. In panic, she stood up from his lap.

"That is... Amazing!"

She actually thought she would be relieved hearing that. So why was she not relieved? "Really?"

"Yeah! A little bit sooner than I hoped, but Maya... We are going to be parents. We are having a... Hey, are you not happy?"

She took a deep breath and grabbed the small statue to keep her hands busy.

It was a mermaid, laying on the ground with her hair around her that made her look like a sun. Nico made it when they just started dating and gave it to her as a present. It is, until this they, the greatest gift she had ever received. "I'm scared. Are we ready to be parents? I don't even really know if I want to keep this baby."

"Maya Penelope Hart are you out of your mind? You are going to be a great mom! And I hope to be a great dad. Oh, Maya, I'm so happy. Let's go out and celebrate!"

"Hm, okay then. Lemme pee first."

She ran up to the bathroom, thinking that it actually was going to be alright.

* * *

"And you are due on 10 January.', the doctor told them.

Nico squeezed her hand. He was so happy, and Maya was so glad. "So how many weeks is the baby?"

"9 weeks. In three weeks we are able to find out the gender. Did you guys just found out?"

"Yeah, yesterday', Maya said. "Why? Is that bad?"

"No, no, absolutely not! Most people find out when they're two to six weeks along."

Maya looked at the doctor. She was a nice middle-aged women. Her hair was starting to get grey, and she had wrinkles, but that made her kind of pretty. "Maya, you don't have to worry."

"How did you know."

"Sweetheart, I've been a gynecologist for almost thirty years. You are not the first scared mom. But every time a scared mom walks out with a baby, she isn't scared anymore. Now you can hardly imagine that scared feeling gone once you get to hold your baby."

Her words actually calmed her. Maybe she can be a good mother.

"And where-" the doctor pointed at the small spot on the screen "-is the baby."

Maya squeezed her eyes. "Where?"

"Here." She kept pointing at the same spot.

Maya was so embarrassed. "I still can't see it', she started to cry. She looked at Nico. "Do you see it?"

"Yes, Love, do you see that spot? The spot shaped like a peanut?" Maya nodded. "That's it, Maya. That's our baby!"

Maya laughed through her tears. "That peanut-thingy over there?"

"Yes', he laughed. "Our little peanut."

Doctor Jumpings smiled at them. "Yes, a very big peanut. Giving the baby a nickname stimulate the brain. Keep talking to it. You can rub your belly, babies like that."

"People often call them peanut?"

"No. The more common comparisons are bean, or jellybean, but that is in the earlier stage. In this case, peanut is more appropriate, since it was actually shaped like a peanut."

She handed them a flyer. "Please be aware that you can't drink or smoke anymore. Also wise to avoid sushi, liquorice and drinks that contain caffeine. So no more coffee and Red Bull."

"No more coffee?" Damn, this pregnancy was going to be hard.

"And do you hear that?', Doctor Jumpings asked. The room was quiet, and all there was to hear were the cars outside and... a little beating sound.

"Is that the heartbeat?', she laughed. She tended to start crying again. _Keep yourself together,_ she thought.

"That was it for today. You and the baby are doing very good." Doctor Jumpings have Maya a piece of fabric to clean the gel. "At the front desk you can schedule a appointment and pick up the picture of the ultrasound. And I'll see you guys in 4 weeks."

They shook hands and they were on their way.


	2. Sunflower Yellow

**Okay, so I got so into this story, I accidentally wrote four chapter tonight. And I would love to post them all at once, but I need to keep the tension, haha. I'm really sorry. Also, I need them unpublished so I can change any remarks.**

 **Beside that, friendly reminder that English isn't my first language, and if you come upon any mistakes, I'm really sorry.**

 **And wow, I couldn't believe my eyes! 12 follows, 6 faves and 2 reviews! On only the first chapter! I hope you guys enjoy this chapter as much as the first, or more(!) and if you have any suggestions on the gender or name, please let me know!**

 **Maybe next chapter you'll found out what the fight was all about? More coming soon!**

* * *

Maya saw Riley and Farkle already sitting outside in The Spotted Pig. It was just June, but it was already hot inside. She know she was late, but she had a good reason. Not a good enough reason for Riley. Riley was nervous for this ever since she talked to Farkle. Maya knew about her little crush on him in high school and beginning of college, but Riley never had the guts to say to Farkle what she really felt. Until that heated argument five years ago, and the group permanently broke up, divided in pieces.

"I'm so sorry I'm late!', Maya said. She hugged her best friend and Farkle, squeezing him good. "Farkle! How are you?"

"I'm good, I'm good. How are you?"

"I'm..." She wanted to tell them both about the ultrasound and about peanut, but on the other hand she wanted to wait a little longer. Just, precaution. "...Fine. Haven't slept well last night."

Riley gave her a look that said; I know about you little secret. Maya choose to ignore it. "So what are you doing these days?"

"I'm working for Green Home, environmentalists. I'm helping to make this a better world."

"So you're following your dream. Awesome!"

"Yes, very stressful and exhausting work, but it pays the bills. And Riley told me that you became a art teacher at John Quincy Adams! That is so awesome! Is our bench still standing?"

"Yes, and every time I pass it, I wipe a tear."

Farkle laughed. Maya noticed that Riley was awfully quiet, looking from Farkle to Maya. _She still has that little crush_

And she couldn't blame her. Farkle seriously became hot. From that little guy with coconut-hair and turtle necks, to this hot guy with a hot hairdo and a little beard. But. No. Ring. On. His. Finger.

"So Farkle, any girlfriends?"

He laughed and became a little red, embarrassed by that question. "Uhm, no, actually. Just broke up with someone who've I been dating for almost a year. She cheated."

"How awful!', Riley stated.

"Could've seen that coming', Farkle simply said, shrugging. "And you guys?"

Maya couldn't help but notice that Farkle stared at Riley while asking.

"No, not really', Riley said. "Just, haven't found the right one."

"Maybe you should open you eyes, Honey."

Riley kicked her under the table. "Maya is seeing someone! She met her boyfriend at art college, and now are living together. He is so nice!"

"Well, I'm very happy that you've found your luck, Maya. And we just still have to look Riles."

Riley got gooseflesh when he called her that. Maya saw it. O my god, she was going to make sure they were going to date.

She felt excitement, combined with a wave of nausea.

"Can I get you something to drink?', a waitress asked.

"Decaf coffee please. To go."

"You're leaving already?', Riley asked.

"Yeah, I'm really sorry, but I don't feel so good."

"Decaf? But Maya, ever since you were little you loved caffeine."

"I know, but, just trying to be healthier." God, that was the worst lie she'd ever told.

"What are you, pregnant?', Farkle almost yelled. "Pregnant people aren't suppose to drink caffeine!"

Maya didn't say anything, but she knew that her expression gave it away.

"Oh my god, congratulations, Maya!"

"Thanks', she mumbled. She felt a wave of nausea. The waitress put the cup a the table. Maya quickly handed her some money, stood up.

"See you around, Farkle. Riley."

She left, sipping her disgusting decaf coffee. She felt heavy, but that had nothing to do with the baby.

* * *

"Babe, I'm home!', Maya yelled, while trowing away her coffee. "Nico?"

No answer. The apartment stayed quiet.

Maya doesn't know why, but she got scared. Another wave of nausea, combined with panic, ran through her whole body.

"Nico?', she yelled a little bit louder. Still no answer.

It was almost five o'clock. He is always home at five o'clock.

When she got into the living room, he was sitting on the couch, drawing in his sketchbook with a headset on.

Only then he noticed Maya, pulling of his headset.

"Oh, hi Love! How was it with Riley and Fankle?"

Maya only realized then that she had hold her breath, and her body relaxed. How stupid to think that he... She wasn't even going to think it.

"Farkle. And so awkward. Riley had a crush on him since we were 17, but she was so scared to express her true feelings. Then that fight came along, and now. Not much has chanced. They obviously still like each other."

"You are going to use your powers like you did with my sister and her boyfriend, aren't you?"

"Yes. Yes, I am."

"Soo. What was that fight about?"

Maya put on her pajamas's. "I can't remember. It was such a long time ago."

"Maya." Nico was standing in the doorway. God, he knew her good.

"Babe, I seriously wanna tell you, but not now."

"It involved you, didn't it?"

Maya looked at him. She tried so hard to forgot all about it. Horribly. But she just... He was the only person who didn't know, and she wanted to keep it that way. But as he knew her so well, so did Maya knew Nico. He wanted to know what went wrong. And who could blame it, beside that is was horrible, it was actually a interesting story. She signed. "I will tell you later, okay? First I gotta cook dinner, and I want to visit my mom..."

She walked to the kitchen. "How was your job interview?"

"Very good! I expect a phone call tomorrow. Oh, Maya, I want this job more than anything!"

"More than this baby?', Maya joked.

"Yes', he laughed, hugging her from behind. He started to kiss her neck, very softly, leaving all these kisses that gave her butterfly's. Then went up to her ear, licking it with his tongue. She was instantly turned on. Nico liked to call this his move, and it worked every time.

"Dammit, Nico', Maya sighed. She was completely distracted from cutting the carrots. And damn these hormones.

They didn't get to the cooking.

* * *

Maya didn't get why the hospitals were always so white. One, the bright white hurt her eyes. Two, it takes a lot of effort to clean up if it gets dirty. Especially with blood... Maya hated hospitals. Ever since she was eighteen. But she still came, every week since.

She greeted the nurse behind the desk and walked to the room at the end of the hall.

The room was nice and cozy. It took a lot of effort to convince the people to let her paint the room, but it worked. And Maya must say, normally she hated the color yellow, but this yellow was a nice, soft yellow, that reminded her of sunflowers.

The paintings that Maya made in college were framed on the wall. On the nightstand were the picture's of Maya and her mom, and one of her mom, Maya and Shawn.

"Hi mom, how are you this morning? Who turned down the TV? Everyone knows how much you love Downtown Abby."

Her mom did not responded. She hasn't been responding in five years. But Maya still had hope that she would wake up from her coma.

Shawn also believed that, and payed every month for the past five years for the equipment. They were only married for 8 months. They still had a future together. Maybe they could've got a child. Maybe two.

Maya threw away the dead flowers, and replaced them with sunflowers, her mom's favorite.

"So I got some exiting news, mom. I'm having a baby!"

She grabbed her hand.

"I'm so scared, but Nico says it's going to be alright. And it will be! I just, have to get past this scary thought of.. Yeah, you know. I have nothing to be scared about! I have a steady job, I have a nice home. With three bedrooms not to mention, so enough space for the baby! I have Nico. Still, I'm afraid to lose him. I don't know why. I think it's because of our past, mom. Losing the guys we love."

She squeezed her hand.

Maya just sat there, for over a half an hour. She loved looking at her mom. She still was so pretty, she hasn't chanced since she was laying here. But her skin was so white, it was almost transparent. Maya stared so long at her, so that she was sure that when she was laying in bed tonight, just before she went asleep, Maya could remember all the good and fun times with each other.

"I'll get past my fear. It was nice talking to you, momma. See you next week!"

She kissed her forehead.

Maya was quiet, secretly hoping that the news of peanut would open her mother's eyes. But nothing. As ever. Maya left the room.


	3. Red Dreams

**Woosh. Okay so by now some of you MAY have realized (or not) that this looks suspiciously like Clair's background story from lost. Well, that's because it is hahaha. Oops. All this, Maya being pregnant, Maya being scared, Maya being left, Maya putting the baby on for adoption, is all based on Claire Littleton. But don't worry, Maya is not going to fly to Australia or something and ending up on a deserted island. That would be weird.**

 **People who are also following my other story (It Will Be Fine), may have noticed that I don't update anymore. That's because I'm completely drenched. I don't know what to write anymore, and I'm struggling. But don't worry, as soon as a little inspiration comes flying in, it will be updated. :) thank you for your patience!**

 **I also want to announce that I completely lost my voice, and am sick as a dog (is that an expression outside the Netherlands?) and things I write may get a little crazy because I'm delusional. Enjoyyyyyy.**

* * *

 _She was laying in a puddle of blood._

Maya woke up, sitting right up and crying.

"Hey, hey, Love, what is going on? Did you have a nightmare?"

He gently rubbed her back. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

Maya couldn't take it anymore. So many times, she wanted to tell him. She wanted to tell him the truth, not a half baked lie. She wanted to get it of her back. She couldn't bring in a child in this world with a serious secret.

Quickly she felt between her legs. Nothing sticky. Thank god.

"I have you tell you something."

"Now? It is like, 3 in the morning."

"Please', Maya quiet said.

Nico turned on the light, looked into her eyes and nodded softly.

"When I was eighteen, I did something really stupid. You remember my boyfriend Lucas?"

"That really good looking guy of who I was very jealous? Yes, I do."

Yeah well, he was part of our gang with Riley and Farkle and Zay. Lucas and I had sex once when we were very, very drunk."

Maya took a deep breath. Rip it off like a bandage.

"And I got pregnant. I already knew you. It was just at the beginning of college."

Nico got serious. "Okay."

"And of course, Lucas and I were together for a long time, but in no position to become parents. We both wanted to finish our college and university, but with a baby on the way... So Farkle told us that it was the best for both of us to get an abortion."

"Maya, did you...?"

"God no! But you can imagine Riley face when Farkle said that?"

"Kind of that face that she made when you guys were watching animal planet and they showed what happened to baby turtles and seagulls?"

"Yes, but ten times worse. The boy that she liked, very much, told her best friend to kill a baby. Farkle told me to kill a human infant that was growing inside of me. They got into a heated fight at Topanga's. Riley told him never to show his face again. And so he did."

"And what happened to you and that Lucas-guy?"

She put her hand up, showing that she was getting to that point.

"I told everyone of the baby. I told the gang of course. I told my mom and Shawn. I told Mr. and Mrs. Matthews. I told Lucas parents. But I never told anyone at school. Well, I did tell Louise, but that was in our third year."

Maya was quiet for a little while, preparing herself for the hardest part.

"I woke up one night, in my 5th month, with a awful pain in my abdomen. A minute later I realized I was sitting in a puddle of blood."

"Oh, Maya..."

"The pain was so unbearable I couldn't walk. My mom put me in the car. On our way to the hospital I felt another sting in my abdomen, so I screamed. Apparently my mom was alarmed by that, and drove past a red stoplight. W-we hid a car."

Maya started crying. Al those past years she did her best to forget them. She never told Nico because she was embarrassed.  
"A-a few days later I woke up. They told me I lost the baby. They told me my mom was in a coma. And it was all my fault!"

"They said it was your fault?!', Nico said full of disgust.

"No, but I know it was true."

"Maya, it was not your fault. You can't control your uterus! Otherwise you could control your period, that would be nice, now would it?"

Maya laughed through her tears. She took a deep breath and continued the story.

"After that, I got back to school, pretending I was just sick and that I was never pregnant. It was fine, I got over it. But every time I saw Lucas... Though I never wanted to have a baby that early, and I didn't wanted a baby this early... I just, felt so happy. A life growing inside of be. I imagined what it was going to be like. This happy, prefect family. But we never got to be one. And every time I saw Lucas... I couldn't help thinking... Would it have his eyes? Or his nose? Would it be a boy, and name it after his Pappy Jo? Or after my mom if it was a girl? I couldn't stand it anymore. So I broke up with him. Every time I looked at him, it reminded me how our baby died. Inside me... He and Zay were best friends, so naturally, Lucas didn't come back, as did Zay. From that point it was just me and Riley. My dad left, my friends left, my mom left. My...Biggest fear had come to life."

She started crying again and Nico just hold her.

"I'm just... Just so scared it will happen to this baby."

Nico was quiet for a little time. Then he got up and said', I don't think sleeping is of the table. Why don't you go sit on the couch, look for fun movie to watch."

Maya got up and crashed on the couch. Nico made some pancakes.

Maya had never seen her memory so clear. She hated it.

* * *

"Cravings?"

"Uuhmm... I'm kind of in the mood for honey. Like, the whole week."

"Morning sickness?"

"Not since I took that pregnancy test, but I have the awful feeling that I can throw up any second now."

"Please, not on me', Riley said as she scrabbled something down on her little notebook.

"Riles, why are you doing this?', Maya asked as she laid down on her bed. It was a nice, nothing-to-do Sunday.

"Becaussee... Someone need to keep a track on your pregnancy, and since it's not you ór Nico, you sloppy pigs, I'll have to do it. How is your skin?"

They got interrupted by a horrible.. Hello Kitty ringtone?

"Seriously, Honey?"

"What? It's a nice song!" She picked up the phone. "With Riley. Oh, hey Farkle! Yeah, I'm with Maya now. Yeah, you can eat with us. Alright, see ya in a sec."

When she put down the phone, she noticed Maya looking at her with her Riley-what-are-you-doing-face.

"Riley, what are you doing?"

"What? You know, this is the third time you are judging me today."

"What can I say. Hormones. What is happening between you and Farkle. You still like him, don't you?"

"Ehhhhhhhh."

"Riles, c'mon!"

"Yes, okay, I like him! All those old feeling are coming all up again, you know?"

"No, I don't know, Riles', Maya laughed.

"He is just like he was when we were little. All those good things I remember about him. Like his kindness. He is so sweet, he's thoughtful, he's understanding. He is smart. He is doing a killer job at his work. And not to mention, he is incredibly hot!"

"oh my god, Riley. You've seen him like what, two times?"

"Uh, three times."

"What! Riley! You've only reconnected with him since two weeks ago."

'I knowww. But, when I'm with him it feels so good. And he mostly makes the first move."

Maya sat upright. "Move of what?"

"Maya, chill. I mean, he is the one who calls me. I think it's cute."

"You know what. It is. I hope the best for you guys."

Riley grabbed her hand. "Thanks, peaches, what's means a lot."

Not a half hour later they were sitting on the dining table, with a simple ordered pizza in front of them (Maya was putting honey all over it, Riley and Farkle nearly puked), laughing.

Farkle poured some wine in Maya's glass.

"Not for me, Farky." She poured all the wine in Riley's glass and ignored her friend's indignantly face.

"Oh, right, shit! I totally forgot. You're barely showing! How far along are you? How's peanut?"

Maya laughed. "Peanut's fine! I'm twelve weeks in and I think it likes honey. Honey and dough."

"Dough?', Farkle asked.

"Yesterday Maya and I were about to bake cookies, I'm went to the bathroom, came back and all dough was gone."

"Chocolate chip cookies with raisin and almond?"

Riley laughed, and suddenly stopped, when she realized what Farkle said. "Yeah, how do you know that?"

Farkle gazed, seriously gazed in each Riley's eyes. "Seriously, it's the only thing you would eat when we were little. I baked those cookies with you once at your place, and your mom almost lost in after our flour fight."

"Oh my god, I remember. It was one of the most fun days of my life!"

This had turn into a roman, and Maya wanted to throw up. "By second thought, handle me the wine over', she joked.

Suddenly, the front door of the apartment opened. "Maya!?', Nico yelled.

"Over here, babe."

She heard Nico tripping over something. Maya stood up and walked to the hall. "Nico, are you okay."

She looked back at her friends, who were looking at her questionably.

"Babe?"

Maya smelled alcohol when she walked towards him. No kidding, he held a Jack Daniel bottle in his hand.

"Nico, what happened?"

"Nothing, hottie. Just, ran into someone in the bar.', he giggled.

"God, you reek. C'mon, I'm going to put you under the shower.', Maya sighed. She grabbed his arm, and pulled him, but he pushed her away.

And it wasn't a little push. No, he pushed her so hard, she fell against a closet with her head.

After that it kind of became woozy. Her body wasn't working, and though she saw double, she saw everything.

Riley and Farkle ran up to her. Farkle turned from Maya to Nico, went up to him and pushed him.

They were screaming, but Maya couldn't make any words of it. Suddenly she realized that she couldn't hear anything, but a loud peep.

Riley carefully put her hand behind Maya's head, and when she pulled her hand back, it was covered in blood. "Fuck, Maya', she whispered, but Maya only saw her lips moving. She saw her best friend getting up, running to the dining table, looking in her purse for her phone, and calling someone.

"Babe, I'm sorry', Nico yelled. The voice ran into her ears like a bang.

"Maya, lay still', Riley cried. When did she sat back down next to Maya? Maya blinked. "Your going to be fine. Just... Just lay still, okay? Farkle?"

But Farkle was to busy making sure that Nico wasn't getting close to Maya. "Maya', he said, with his hands behind his head.

Within 15 minutes an ambulance was standing outside the apartment building, and within 10 they were gone.

Riley went with Maya to the hospital, while Farkle made sure that scumbag of a Nico stayed with his friends.

In the hospital the nurses stitched Maya's head up. She had a concussion, and Riley had to stay the whole night, making sure that Maya reacted normally every three hours.

The next morning, when the alarm went off, Riley turned to Maya, looking at her with a look on her face that could kill and whispered', that was the worst sleepover ever, Peaches."

"Even worse then that time you-"

"We are not doing this!', Riley quickly said. Maya giggled.

"Hey, have you noticed that if you lie down, you have a little bump?', Riley asked.

Maya pulled up her shirt a little bit, and softly stroked her belly with her fingers. When she was on the spot where her baby was supposed to be, it was early, with she could've sworn she felt something. It made her heart melt.

"It's going to be fine, Peanut', she whispered through her tears.


	4. Cookiedough Icecream

**Yeahhhhh, still sick. Nothing works to calm down the sore throat, so my parents are forcing me to drink alcohol. Normally, I would love that. Now, not so much, cause my throat is already on fire.**

 **I hope you enjoy this chapter, for two things happening that you all have been waiting for (I hope).**

 **Please, let me know what you thought about this chapter, and thank you for the already kind review!**

 **I hope I'm still alive tomorrow to update!**

* * *

Maya walked into the apartment. "Babe, look what I got!"

Maya was so exited. She was fourteen weeks along, already showing, just a liiiiiitle bit, and she loved it. For a second she wondered why she was ever doubting motherhood. She pulled a romper out of her bag. "Riley and I went shopping and came upon a babystore. I know we don't know what's it's gonna be, but it's gender neutral! And I couldn't resist!"

She saw Nico coming from the bedroom, with a face that said nothing good. He looked very busted. "Fuck."

He ran up to the living room, and grabbed his guitar.

"Nico, what are you doing? You're making me nervous."

He threw the guitar on the bed, ran up to the bathroom and ran back. "Well, I'm really sorry. I didn't saw it coming, and well... We all didn't see it coming, and so...', he rambled.

N _o._

"NICO!"

 _Please let it not be, please let it not be_

Nico stopped, looking her dead in the eye. "Love, I'm really sorry but I'm leaving you."

"No."

"Maya-"

"You are not leaving me. YOU ARE NOT! You... Can't..."

"Maya-"

"yoU CAN'T', she yelled. She started swinging with her arms, and Nico ran up to her and grabbed her by the shoulders.

"There is someone else.', he said.

Maya started crying as she pushed him away. Her biggest fear had come to life.

"W-why are you doing this to me?"

"It just happened. I'm really sorry, it's not your fault! I'm a real jerk. I still love you, Maya, I really do but all this pregnancy shit is, well, freaking me out..."

He sat in front of Maya on the couch.

"Is freaking you out? Goddammit, I'm the one who is carrying the child! Don't you think I'm scared, Nico!? Don't you think that I'm freaking out?! You're the one who said, oh yeah Maya, let's keep the baby. You, the father, wanted this baby in the fucking first place!"

"I'm really sorry. I am! But I can't be a dad right now. I gotta focus on my career, babe.I have the opportunity of a lifetime. I have no time for diapers, you know?" He laughed like it made perfect sense. Maya couldn't believe what kind of ass he was.

You're working at an assistant in a fucking, pathetic art gallery, with barely three costumers. Opportunity of a lifetime, my ass."

"Well, that's just mean. There is not just that, there is also Melissa. I think I love her!"

Maya couldn't stand it anymore. This was actually happening. For the whole two years, every single day, she was scared for this. It was ignorance, she told herself over and over. How could she not have seen it coming? "Get out."

"What?"

"NOW!', Maya yelled. "I WANT YOU GONE!"

"But, Love, I haven't packed all my things yet.."

"I don't fucking care! Get out! Go!"

She hysterically started hitting him.

"While I was carrying your goddamn child, you... you were screwing another bitch! You sick bastard!"

Maya was crying while she hit him. "FUCK OFF, NICO."

She kicked him outside the door.

"Maya, please..."

She slammed the door in his face. Not knowing what to do, she walked to the couch, and broke down. Through her tears she saw the romper laying on the ground. She grabbed it and threw it in the trashcan.

* * *

She hasn't told Riley yet.

It's been three days since it happened, and she just couldn't tell her best friend. For some reason she was afraid that if she told Riley, it would be true. It would be real, and she couldn't let that happen, not for her and not for Peanut.

They were shopping, because Maya couldn't fit in her pants anymore.

"Why are we shopping again? We shopped like, yesterday!"

"Because...', Maya took a bite of her burrito covered in honey "...I can't fit in mine anymore."

"Oh, that's rough, sister. But please, don't let me buy something. If this goes on for any longer, I can't pay my rent anymore."

"You know I can't stop you once you see a cute top."

Riley nodded in agreement.

They walked past an icecream shop. "Let's have some icecream, my treat!"

"Maya, you haven't finished your burrito.', Riley said, while they entered. Maya shrugged the whole thing down in one minute.

"Peanut is craving cookie dough icecream, okay?', she said with a full mouth.

They laughed.

"Cookie Dough, please', Maya said.

"One scoop?"

Maya was thinking. "Five."

"Five?', Riley asked.

"Five', Maya confirmed.

After they got their icecream, they turned around, ready to leave the store.

Maya was so focused on her icecream (because it looked de-li-cious!), she didn't noticed that there was standing someone standing in front of her, and she walked against him, spilling her icecream on him and herself.

"Fuck!"

"Shit! I'm so sorry', a formiliar face said.

At that point Maya had only focused on her icecream that was laying on the floor, but when she heard that voice, that voice that she had forgotten, but still haunted her dreams.

When she looked up she saw Huckleberry, Texas Ranger, Hop-a-long, Bucky McBoingBoing, Sundance.

"Son of a bitch', she whispered. "Lucas Friar?"

"Maya!"

They fell into a hug, both covered in ice. Her head fit right into that spot on his collarbone, like it used to.

After their hug, they accidentally stared at each other, and Maya was figuring if she was hallucinating or not. Maybe it was pregnancy brain?

Riley coughed.

"Oh, right', Maya murmured. Only after that she realized that Zay was standing behind Lucas, smirking.

"Zay!"

She hugged him and saw in the corner of her eye that Lucas also hugged Riley. After that he turned to Maya again.

"I'm really sorry about that icecream! Here, let me buy you a new one."

Only five minutes later they were all sitting outside in the sun enjoying their icecream.

"So what are you guys up to?"

"Oh, we were about to shop', Maya said, trying her best to control her voice.

"Yeah, maturity clothes, right Maya?"

God, her best friend was so ignorant. She kicked her leg under the table.

"Maturity. Who of you is pregnant?"

"I am." Yeah, Maya really couldn't control her voice after that. On one side, she was so happy and exited to see them. On the other, it was totally awkward. She was pregnant, she was left. And nobody knew about the last part. Yet.

"Well, congratulations, Maya!', Lucas said. He actually sounds happy for her. A part of the awkwardness was gone. "Who is the lucky guy?"

"Her boyfriend, Nico. The're totally cute! You should meet him sometime!"

"Yeah, that would be-', Zay started. But Maya didn't really felt like lying today.

"Actually, that's impossible."

All the three faces turned to her, with a surprised expression.

"What? Why not', Riley asked.

"He left', Maya said emotionless, focusing on her icecream.

"What?"

"He left. He cheated, and told me he wants nothing to do with Peanut. So I kicked him out."

"Oh no, Maya', Lucas softly whispered.

"Why didn't you tell me?', Riley asked, placing her hand on Maya's knee.

"Peanut?', Zay wondered.

"It's okay though. I mean, we all saw that coming."

"What about the baby? What about Peanut?"

"Oh, so the baby's called Peanut?"

"Zay, focus', Riley said. "What about your baby?"

"I.."

How was she going to tell her friends? She knew Riley would break her neck, and that they all would try talking her out of it, but Maya's mind was set. There was no other way. Her own mom, who had struggled being one since the day she got left. Her father, who left without even saying goodbye. She doesn't actually has very good examples.

Of course, Riley was going to be there for her, but she can't raise Peanut. Riley will be offering it, she know's for sure, but Maya also knew that Riley has a life to life for her own, other than worrying and taking care of someone else's baby. It's just all not right. This is the second time she is pregnant, none of those times she was prepared, or even ready. Maya was afraid that once the baby was born, that she would be more contained with fright than with love. That's no way to raise a baby. She didn't want that for her peanut. She wanted Peanut to grow up in a safe and solid environment. And there was only one way to make sure of that.

"..I'm giving the baby up for adoption."


	5. Those Who I Lost

Maya was sitting in the armchair that stood in the corner of Maya's apartment. It was her favorite spot in the whole world. If the turned around a little bit to the right, she could see the beautiful park outside. She could see some shops, trees, people.

If she turned to the left, she could see Nico, sitting in his favorite place on the couch, watching TV, napping, reading or drawing. Maya would draw or paint. Mostly Nico, or Snickles, their cat who passed away a few months ago. Her sketchbook with all those memory's, every single time that they would sit, right next to each other, being with each other, love each other, just lays on the ground next to the TV, and hasn't been touched for over a month.

If she looked right across of her, right now, at this very moment, she could see her friends looking at her. They looked really concerned. Maya didn't even know if she should call them friends.

It's been a month since Maya ran into Lucas and Zay. It's been a month since Nico left.

It's been a month since Maya actually felt confident about Peanut. Since she felt comfortable about her future with Peanut, and about being a mom. A good one.

It's been a month since Maya started hide her pain, put on makeup so they couldn't see the bags under her eyes, result of the many night Maya couldn't sleep, dreaming about Nico, missing him laying right next to her, or just the pain. Since she started to wear wide clothes, so her students couldn't see her pregnancy. What was she going to say to her students? Yeah, I'm having a baby, but not keeping it because I don't want to. Maya knows what kind of example she would set for them.

She feels like she knows a lot. But Maya doesn't know what to feel about this. Her love walks out of her life. Her old love walks right back in. People who left her, were right back, acting like nothing had ever happened. Like they never been apart. All while Maya was breaking. But she was denying it.

She told herself to not be so dramatic, she is healthy, having a baby, nice job, nice apartment. But every time she even entered this apartment she felt pain in her heart, and became very nauseous.

It was just the reminder of their first day in this apartment, when it was an old granny's apartment, with them having no furniture but a mattress, which they put in the living room, eating Chinese, watching the rain from out the window.

Their last day was Nico breaking her heart and Maya cursing a lot. She felt nauseous again.

And then there were her friends.

Riley would never leave, she is the only one in the whole wide world who she trust. Riley was literally the only one who never left her life once. Maya would kill a men for her. Maya also knew that Riley would do the same without even blinking an eye.

And Maya might have to. She knows that Riley and Farkle weren't just friends. Otherwise they would invite Maya along when they would hangout together. They didn't, because they didn't wanted to make Maya feel like a third wheel. They didn't tell Maya, because they didn't wanted to make her feel bad.

Ha, like they needed to tell. They were staring at each other right now, blushing and smiling. All googly and slimy. Even a blind man could tell.

Not to mention how many times she caught Farkle walking to Riley's apartment, and not leaving until the next morning. Seriously, so many times. In a month! Jeez.

And Zay. Maya was happy for Zay. Zay was now a ballet dancer, and he was really good at it. Maya went to one of his shows, and he was the fucking lead star! With a full booked room! And although Maya was not a big fan of ballet, it was absolutely amazing. He was doing good.

And Lucas. She couldn't call him Huckleberry anymore. She hasn't, for the past five years. She doesn't make him happy anymore, but he still got that glow in his eyes. Right now. A worried, but beautifully worn glow in his green eyes.

The same glow that he had when they first kissed. The same glow when they first kissed at that party.

The same glow when Maya entered the room in her ballgown, knocking Lucas of his feet.

The same grow when they lay in bed all day on a lazy Sunday morning, snugging and telling each other stories.

The same glow that he had when she told him she was pregnant. He was the first one she told, she didn't even told Riley. As soon as she found out, she ran straight up to his dorm, and told him. She had never seen him so happy, even though they were very young and Maya of course, very scared (especially of his reaction).

The same glow that he got when they heard that they were going to have a boy.

The same glow when they were picking out names, and couldn't agree, teasing each other with suggestions.

The glow that got lost when he came rushing in the emergency room after Maya's accident.

The glow that got lost when Maya told him about losing the baby, at 5 months in.

The glow that got lost when they buried the tiny body of their dead son, that never got a chance of living, breathing, seeing the world, seeing his parents.

That glow that got lost when Maya broke up with him.

That glow that got lost when he looked at her, processing the words that Maya said, every time looking at him hurt her, she could not handle the pain.

The glow that got lost when Lucas not only lost his baby, but also lost his love.

That glow, the very last thing Maya saw in his eyes, dying, before he walked out. That glow dying, for the last time Maya ever saw Lucas, was something she saw for a very long time. In her dreams, even when she closed her eyes. It was in her sketchbook, so many times, but she never could get it right. The real emotion, that she felt when he looked at her, heartbroken, and left, could not be felt through a drawing.

That glow that got found again just now, when he was looking at her.

"Maya, you haven't touched your food.', Riley said.

Maya realized that she was all teared up, thinking about everything that happened, while all her friends almost finished their dinner.

"I'm not hungry."

"C'mon, Maya! You're eating for two. You need to take care of yourself. A healthy meal increases the chance for a healthy baby', Farkle said.

"I know. It's just... I'm nauseous..."

"Morning sickness?', Lucas asked.

"No." Maya wiped a tear. "It's this place. This place makes me sick. Everywhere I look, I'm constantly reminded of..." She didn't wanted to finish the sentence, hoping her 'friends' would know what she means.

She looked at the little mermaid statue next to the TV. She picked it up and tried to squeeze it.

"Like this. This fucking piece of shit."

"Smash it!', Zay yelled. Riley almost dropped her noodles.

That sounded good in Maya's ears. She threw the son-of-a-bitch on the ground, and was satisfied when it broke into little pieces. She even laughed a little bit.

"Holy shit! I made the zombie smile', Zay said agitated. "Do some more!"

Riley stood on the couch to grab the painting Nico made, ages ago, and handed it to Maya. Maya thought for a second. It was a really pretty thing in which Nico worked ages on. Then she thought of that poor baby inside of her and kicked the thing right in.

"That is honestly the best feeling I had in a long time." Maya looked in the hallway, where Nico pushed her a few weeks ago. "But I'm afraid it won't wipe away the bad memories."

"Maybe you should move', Lucas said. "There is a three room apartment in my building available. If you're quick..."

"Isn't that like, super expensive?"

"I could move in with you!', Riley said exited.

"You would do that?"

"Yeah, of course, Peaches! The only reason I moved in here is because of you!"

"S-sorry. Hormones.', she cried laughing.

Everyone laughed.

"Now eat your dinner', Farkle ordered.

"Yes sir!"


	6. Forgiven by old happiness

**After I week I finally got something! yay. This writersblock was killing me. I seriously wrote this like, five times over, never getting the right words. But don't worry! More is on the way!**

 **As for me, I got all better, school is starting this week (today was my second day, and it was scary as hell). So I might get a little busy, and can't update every day. But this story is still very much alive, so don't worry!**

 **I also want to thank you for the very kind reviews and love I received from previous chapter.** **I seriously love you all!**

 **Love, me**

* * *

"So, Maya', Doctor Jumpings said. "19 weeks in. How are you feeling?"

"Amazing', she lied. God, she felt awful. She threw up this morning, gained 5 pounds, was beginning to get stretchmarks, ate three hamburgers, threw up again, yelled at the lamppost for hitting her on the head and here she was.

"Good. Good. And how's your husband? Couldn't join again?"

"He, eh, isn't my husband."

Doctor Jumpings looked at her like she already knew what happened between her and Nico. For a second Maya wondered how many single soon-to-be moms would come here. Maya had to remind herself that she wasn't going to be a mom. She wasn't.

She felt instantly sad. Maybe she shouldn't give up the baby?

No. No, absolutely not. She didn't knew the first thing about being a mom. She really didn't had a great example.

And although she really loves her mom, and she knows her mom still loves her too, but with the shitty decision her father made so many years ago, leaving her mother with not so much of a choice.

Maya had a choice. She chooses her baby to grow up in a safe environment with two stable parents.

She already went to the adoption agency, and she was already looking for a family.

It was already happening. Of course, nothing was Peanut's fault. Maya really loved Peanut, she did! That's why she needed Peanut to have the best life she possibly could get.

"Did the baby kick already?"

"Not yet" Maya rubbed her belly. "But I think Peanut is ready every second."

"Good, that's good.', doctor Jumpings said. "Can you pull up your shirt?"

Maya did as the doctor asked. The older lady put the gel on her tummy. Maya shivered when the cold fluid touched her skin.

Seconds later Maya saw her little Peanut on the screen.

"Oh my god, it's so tiny."

"Everything seems fine, heartbeat looks good. Do you wanna know the sex?"

Maya was struggling. She knew that if she knew the gender, Maya would unconsciously pick out names, and ending up getting attached to it. But knowing the gender would make it easier to find a family for Peanut.

"Not yet. Maybe in a few weeks."

"All fine by me." She handed Maya a paper towel. "That was it for today. You can pick up the picture at the front desk."

Maya was about to walk away when doctor Jumpings called her name.

"Sweetheart, have you been thinking about that parentgroup I told you about?"

"Yeah, I don't think it's the best for-"

"Trust me, Maya. Talking with people who are going through the same will help."

Doctor Jumpings handed Maya a card with the phone number. "At least try it?"

Maya nodded and walked out of the room.

* * *

Maya hated it, but she had no other choice.

She knocked on Lucas door.

Maya and Riley moved in the new apartment five days ago. It was a truly beautiful and big apartment, with white walls and chestnut floor with beautiful big windows, view over the whole city. Three big rooms, Riley and Maya both had rooms with view. All their furniture was colorful, bright yellow couch, blue table and chairs, and Maya's old red armchair.

Everything was perfect, expect one tiny detail. Lucas apartment was right across hers.

Her first thought was _fuck._

The second was _Maybe it isn't so bad, it's not like they had to see each other every day._

And sure, she and Lucas where in a good place, being reunited together with the old gang, but seeing each other so many times would be awkward, or even wake up some old feelings.

The third was _This is bad,_ because she ran into him like fifty times a day. When she was about to do laundry, getting her mail, getting food, going to work, etc.

She wasn't in the position to fall in love again with her high school sweetheart. She was pregnant!

But as she said, although she barely had a choice, she regretted at the moment he opened the door and his eyes started shining again.

"Maya, hi, what can I do for you?"

"I.. Uhm..', she said, totally embarrassed "Forgot my keys and locked myself out. I can't seem to reach Riles and I don't know when she is coming home... I don't have the number of the building owner, Riles is the one who has it. Can you call him, please?"

He started smiling, knowing that Maya needs something from him.

He stepped away from the door, letting her in.

His apartment was much smaller then hers. It was a one-room apartment, with in the left corner his bed, in the right the living room, on the left of Maya a kitchen and a door that probably leads to the bathroom. It was clean, simple grey colored, small, but everything Lucas could possibly need.

"Ehh... Do you want some water?"

"Yes, please."

He called Roger, the owner of the builder, for the key of Maya's apartment. "Yeah? Okay. She's here. Hm. Thanks, Roger."

"Was he pissed?"

"A little', Lucas laughed. "Not even a week in and already trouble. Anyways, he isn't here right now, but is back within an hour. You can wait here until he's back."

"So... How's Peanut?"

He handed her the glass. "Lucas, I'm grateful, but we don't have to make small talk."

He touched her arm. "Maya, stop pushing me away."

Maya started to laugh. She has done her best to keep her distance. Although Lucas doesn't remind her of her dead son anymore, she can't shake that feeling of her that tells her not to fall in love. Is she afraid that she will fall in love with Lucas again?

How could she not, he was classically handsome and gentle. He always took care of her when they were kids, even when Maya was such a bitch, even when Maya pushed everyone away, even when Maya yelled at Lucas.

Even when Maya was almost passed out from drinking to much at parties, it was Lucas who brought her home and put her into bed.

And when Maya and a stupid girl got into a fight, when Riley was sick, it was Lucas who patched her up and calmed her down.

He always made sure that Maya was safe and sound.

But he left, like everyone else. Maya pushed him away, breaking them both.

Maya didn't want to fall in love again. She was't prepared for a broken heart, again, in this condition.

She build up this wall, for only Riley to break down, or at least let it down enough to pass.

She just... Wanted to protect herself.

Gently she shook his arm of her. "Peanut's fine."

Lucas still looked at Maya, with those unintentional puppy eyes. God, she forgot how much she hated it when he looked at her like that. She almost melted.

Maybe that was her type? People who could make her melt with a simple smile or look.

No, Maya, she reminded herself. Don't.

"Do you know what it's going to be?', he asked, while he sat down on the couch.

She sat down across him, looking outside. She thought her view was good. His was amazing.

"No, and I rather not. It will make it only harder to..."

Lucas nodded like he understood.

It was a little quiet. Not the awkward kind like seconds before, more like, a nice kind. The only thing Maya heard was the sound of cars passing through the streets.

Lucas just sat there, looking at Maya. Maya didn't noticed that Lucas was studying her. She just rubbed her belly.

Finally it was Lucas who broke the silence. "Maya, can I ask you something?"

She kept her eyes focused on view. It was going to be a hard question, she could hear it in his voice. It was going to be about Nico, or Peanut, or about her and Lucas, or about... "Yeah, sure."

"Did you ever imagined us as a family. You, me and-"

He was going to say what Maya had avoided for years. even when she told Nico.

-Felix?"

Maya teared up. She didn't knew if it was from tiredness, hormones or hearing that stupidly gorgeous name again (actually she did know. It was that name). She remembered when they picked out that name.

 _It was a gorgeous morning, and they had just woken up. It was very early, the sun had just began to rise. Maya always loved watching the sunrise. Lucas didn't said anything while Maya was rambling on and on about the colors of the sky._

 _She suddenly just stopped, when she felt a little kick. She felt so happy. She grabbed Lucas hand and put it on her very flat tummy (the doctor said it wouldn't take long for the baby to pop). Lucas jumped when he felt the kick. They both laughed._

 _"Felix', Maya suddenly said._

 _"What?"_

 _"It means happiness. Blessed. Just as we are, Lucas. We are blessed. I know we actually wanted to call the baby Joe, like your grandfather, but I don't know.. It feels more like a Felix."_

 _"Felix', Lucas repeated. "I like it."_

 _Maya was lying on her back. Lucas crawled over on Maya's tummy._

 _"Hi, Felix, it's your daddy speaking. It's a little bit early, but mommy and I are very exited to meet you!', he rambled._

 _Maya didn't think she ever was happier._

Now, they were both in different places. Tired, unhappy grownups. When was Maya going to be happy?

"Yes. I pictured us as a family. We were, in a way. And I imagined us, walking the baby. Taking care of him. Raising him. I pictured him sitting on my mom's lap. I imagined us on many ways, Lucas. But it was all just not meant to be."

Maya hoped she could calm her voice, but she was about to break down. "You?"

Lucas sighed. "Me too. I imagined you, giving him a cowboy head."

Maya laughed through her tears. "I would do that, wouldn't I?"

Lucas laughed too. "Yes. With matching cowboy boots. But I also imagined you singing him to sleep. Rocking him in this rocking chair. Me, looking at you two, wondering how I could be so lucky."

Maya looked at him.

"I'm sorry Lucas. About everything."

"It's not your fault. It's nobody's. And it's okay, Maya. Really. I can't imagine what you had to go through..."

"Yeah, but Felix was your baby too, Lucas..."

Before Maya could realize it, Lucas stood up, pulled Maya from the couch and hugged her.

She could feel all his body heat, his energy, his pain.

They did it. They finally forgave each other.


	7. Afraid To Fall

**Yess, finally. I worked to hard and long on this, so I really hope that you guys enjoy it!**

 **As always, thank you very much for the kind reviews and I also proud to announce that the story reached more then 50 followers! YAY!**

 **I have so many great ideas (at least, I think they're great, i hope you will too) but the only problem is that I can't seem to put it into words. So don't think this story is over when I can't update for a long time, because this fanfic will finish! Have a lovely evening/day**

* * *

It was late, but Maya couldn't sleep. At first she couldn't sleep because she had no peace. There was something always itching. Was it her father's absence? Was it because Nico left?

Finally she realized. After all this time, she realized it was because she pushed away Lucas. She pushed him away, and it broke more then a little piece of her heart. It broke (besides Riley) her purest friendship, it broke her protector, even when she stubborn denied that she needed one. It broke her one true love, even when she didn't know it yet.

That night, after she and Lucas talked, she had the best sleep ever. She finally didn't had the felling like she forgot something, like she had some unfinished business.

But now, she really couldn't sleep.

Her mother was lying there so peaceful. The machines around her beeped, she could hear the nurses walk through the hall.

Maya could hear the voices from the TV.

She doesn't know how long she has been sitting there. One hour? Three hours? Six?

All the knew is that she wouldn't miss 40th birthday. Even when Katy herself couldn't attend.

Maya brought new flowers, Daisies and Baby breath. Maya put a new picture on the table, one of Maya and Katy blowing out the candles on Maya's tenth birthday party. She brought a little cupcake, which she would eat herself, because she was really hungry.

Her mom, looking the same as five years ago. Or at least, so it seemed. Maybe Maya visited her too much.

She had too. Maya couldn't let her mom wake up, next to dead flowers. The doctor said that her mother could hear everything. Maya wanted to tell her mom everything. About Nico leaving her, about Peanut who was going to be adopted. About Farkle and Zay coming back into her life. About her job, every single thing. She wanted her mother to know how much Maya loved her, and how much she wanted Katy to wake up.

Maya grabbed Katy's hand. It was cold.

It was quiet.

Maya slowly fell asleep, watching her mom.

Not much later, like an hour later, she wake up from a loud noise. It was dark in the room, and Maya's eyes needed time to adjust to the darkness. Finally she saw a figure standing next to her mom.

"Shawn?"

"Hey kiddo', he laughed. Maya stood up, walked towards him and hugged him.

"Look at you! So grown up! And showing! Geez, seems like yesterday when I first met you. How's Peanut?"

"Peanut's fine. Growing."

Maya walked back to her chair, and turned on the nightlight next to her mom's bed.

He looked different. Though he and Katy were only married for 8 months, but they were together for a long time. They loved each other for years. And it truly broke him when the accident occurred.

Maya went knock-out for almost a week, after three surgeries.

Katy woke up and passed out every few hours, had several strokes, and eventually didn't wake up anymore, just the day after Maya woke up.

She's been in a coma ever since. Shawn broke down, got depressed. His wife is there, but at the same time she was gone. He didn't show up for work. He started drinking. He stopped taking care of himself or Maya, or the apartment. Most of his time he sat at home, watching TV or sleeping.

But sometimes he just disappeared. For hours. He would get in a cap, and came back when it was dark. Maya would ask him where he's been, but Shawn would shake it off.

Even Cory agreed, he never saw Shawn so broken, so destroyed.

Until, after weeks trying, Maya finally convinced Shawn to visit Katy. And they talked to Katy for hours. And Maya finally saw Shawn smiling, looking at his wife, getting a little hope again.

After that it wasn't a sudden change, like in the movies. Shawn didn't just miraculously turned into the old him. It was bit by bit. Slowly, he became a normal person again.

Slowly he took care of Maya, making dinner. After a little while even breakfast and lunch.

He started taking care of himself. He started laughing again. He to go to work.

Piece by piece he got himself together.

After Maya moved out, he sold he apartment and started to travel, making photo's for On The Road, a magazine.

"I thought you were in Colombia?"

"Yeah, well, couldn't miss your mom's birthday." He looked at Katy, leaned it and kissed her on her forehead.

"Happy birthday, Honey', he whispered, as he stroked her cheek. It was dark, but Maya could see his eyes shimmer.

Maya felt a little kick. She placed her hand on her abdomen. She actually felt her Peanut kick.

She suddenly felt a warm glow, and maybe even a little bit of love for Peanut, but had to remind herself that Peanut wasn't going to stay with her forever. Peanut was going to have a better life.

A life she didn't have.

* * *

"Please come with me', Maya begged.

"Maya, I don't think that's very appropriate."

"Pleeaasseeee! Riley has a job interview today. You're the first one I asked!"

"Maya..."

"Please... I don't want to go alone. The last time I went alone, the people there stared at me. Some in pity, some in disapproval. Please."

It was true. Maya has only been three times to Doctor Jumpings, and one time alone. All those faces on her, like they felt bad for her. They don't have to feel bad. Peanut is going to have an awesome future, and so is Maya. Only... Not together. Maya suddenly felt bad that she was going to give Peanut more hope.

"Oh, so you want me to join so people think we're together?', Lucas asked playfully, smiling, but raising an eyebrow. It was a typical Lucas-move. Maya was a sucker for that.

Time for the Maya move. She made her infamous puppy-eyes face. "No... I just don't want to be alone."

Lucas was a sucker for _that_. Maya saw him struggling, whether he would do it or not, and finally giving up. "Fine."

Maya smiled. She wanted to hug him, and although there was barely any awkwardness between them, hugging him _would_ be awkward.

"How late is the echo?"

"Half an hour. I'm gonna take a quick shower, and then we leave."

"And I'll rob your fridge', Lucas said, while walking to the kitchen.

Less then 30 minutes later, they were sitting in the waiting room.

It was awful. There were children screaming and playing to loud. Babies screaming. Teen moms nervously tapping on their knees.

The women next to them, who was already in her third trimester, leaned over to them. "Is this your first?"

Maya looked at Lucas, who looked uneasy. "Yes, it's my first. This is my best friend'. she quickly added. She felt bad for Lucas.

"Oh', the women said. It was like she was judging her. What was she thinking?

Maya had to calm herself for a moment. Geez, these hormones where killing her. Maya was about to make a nasty comment, but she got interrupted.

"Maya Hart?"

Saved by the nurse.

"Hi, Maya, how are you?"

"I'm fine. This is my friend, Lucas."

"Hi', he said shy. Maya almost forget how cute he was around strange people.

"Okay Maya, why don't you take place, and I'll make an echo."

Maya took place in the big chair, pulled up her shirt a little bit, showing her swollen tummy.

Lucas looked a little bit uncomfortable. Probably because the last echo he attended, was from Felix.

Normally Maya would say something to ease him down, just like in the good ol' days, but now there was nothing coming to mind that she could say to make him feel better. Maybe...

"I'm really craving for a icecream. Wanna get some after this?', she tried. That came on WAY to desperate. Normally Maya just commands for icecream.

He looked at her, noticing that she was trying to make him feel better and nodded with a smile. Seriously, Maya can't stop staring at Lucas' eyes. What is happening to her? Maya wished her feelings just would go away and let Maya be a stone cold bitch.

Maya didn't even noticed that Peanut was on the screen until the nurse coughed.

"There's the baby', the nurse squeaked. "You still don't want to know the gender?"

Maya shook her head.

"Wait. You don't know what it's going to be? Why not?"

"Well..."

She wanted to tell him the real reason, but not in front of the nurse. Lucas, didn't seem to get the memo.

"Maya... Are you afraid to get attached to Peanut?"

Maya looked at him, hoping he would see that he had to stop.

But he stared back, just, awkward silence.

"Yes."

He opened his mouth, but hesitated. He looked like he knew what to say, but was afraid to tell Maya. He was afraid to hurt her feeling, but she didn't wanted that. She wanted him to be completely honest with Maya.

"Be honest with me', she said, while turning her head to Peanut's echo.

"Maya, it's okay to love Peanut."

Maya was just about to say something, when the nurse cut the echo.

"I'll be right back', she said. Her voice was calm and steady, but her face said otherwise.

"What? Is there something wrong with the baby?', Maya asked, but the nurse was already gone.

"Lucas?"

"Yeah?" He looked as worried as she was.

"I'm scared."

He did sometimes she didn't expect. Lucas grabbed her hand and squeezed it. "Maya Penelope Hart. Everything is going to be fine, you hear me? Peanut is fine."

His voice calmed her.

After a few minutes doctor Jumpings came in, followed by the nurse.

"Hi, Maya. Just going to take a quick peek." She put the echo-thingy back on her belly and started to move around.

Peanut was back on the screen. It was beginning to grow!

But doctor Jumpings didn't look to satisfied.

"Doctor? What's wrong?"

"Ahh, yes', she murmured. She killed the echo, put of her glasses, and looked at Maya.

"Maya, everything is fine! Louise over here thought that she couldn't find the heartbeat. But it's okay. I just found it."

Maya felt like she could breathe again.

"For the rest, he's is a little bit to small, but there's nothing to be worried about!"

Maya froze. "Wait, what? Peanut's a he?"

"It's a boy?', Lucas asked.

Doctor Jumpings froze when she realized what she said. "Thirty years', she murmured.

Maya felt like she was glowing. A boy. Peanut was a little baby boy.

For a moment she imagined holding her Peanut, wrapped in a blue blanket.

She shook that imagine out of her head.

She stood up and cleaned herself.

"Maya, see you next month!"

"Bye!"

They walked out of the clientele.

"Let's go find an icereamshop', Maya said happy.

Lucas laughed. "Maya, you're glowing!"

Suddenly that happy glowing thing was over.

"Stop. I know what you're doing."

Lucas stopped, right in front of the ice cream shop. Maya moaned.

"What?"

"I know what you're doing, Huckleberry', Maya repeated. "You want me to keep Peanut."

She stepped into the shop, ordering her favorite ice cream. Well, the favorite of this week, Bacon ice cream (it tasted as horrible as it sounded, but Peanut was really diggin' it) combined with Mint Chocolate Chip, and Maya and Peanut were happy.

When she was back outside, Lucas was still waiting.

"Look, I know you think it's best for Peanut to give him up for adoption. But don't you think it's the best for him to be with his family?', Lucas said, while following Maya, who was walking really fast.

They entered the shiny, sunny Central Park.

"What family, Lucas? It's just me. Like it's always bin. I just.." She rubbed her belly. "I just want him to grow up in a stable home, okay. Without the Hart-bad luck."

"Maya', Lucas said. He grabbed her hand and pulled Maya to him.

Maya lost balance and almost fell. If it wasn't for Lucas holding on her, she would be laying on the ground.

When Maya opened her eyes, she saw that Lucas face was incredibly close. She was never going to admit it, but she loved the bickering and the making up. But they weren't together anymore. Like that had stopped her before.

She felt her heart in her throat, everything was dizzy and clear at the same time.

"Maya', Lucas whispered one more time. It was enough for Maya. She kissed him.

And it was the best kiss the ever had. Including Nico's, who was always kissing like a wet blanket. Including all the kisses from teenage Lucas, who kissed her good, but now he's improved!

Finally, their lips unlocked, but their faces stayed really close. Maya could feel his breathing, and it smelled like caramel.

"Lucas', she whispered, still catching her breath.

Then she suddenly felt a kick from Peanut. Maya looked Lucas in the eye.

"We cannot do this, Lucas."

She freed herself from his embrace.

"Why not?"

"Because, I'm pregnant. With someone else's child. I'm not in a good place right now, and I need some time to figure things out, before I start dating one of my best friends. Again."

"I understand', Lucas said. He did. Maya knew he understood, but he could not help to feel disappointed. She saw it in his beautiful eyes, who betray everything.

Maya would lie if she didn't felt disappointing in herself too. This was the perfect moment, so passionate and loving. And she ruined it. God, did she ruin it.

Lucas walked away, leaving her behind.

Maya hadn't even realized that she dropped her ice cream.


	8. Farkle,The Low-Key Stalker, In Vein

**Hello, yes, I'm back again. After long thinking about how I wanted this chapter, I finally came to it. Hope you guys like it!**

 **Thank you so much for the kind reviews and keep them coming!**

* * *

Maya couldn't stop thinking about that kiss.

She knows why it's affecting her so much, but she was denying it. She couldn't let Lucas get into her life like that. They were friends, but that's it. That's all they could be.

First deliver Peanut, then love. Maybe even Lucas. She wasn't sure.

She wasn't sure because she's afraid that if she let Lucas come into her life like that, with all the romance and stuff, Maya is going to decide to keep Peanut. And when she keeps him, thinking that she'll be this happy little family with the three of them, Lucas would leave.

Lucas is the sweetest person she's ever met. Well, maybe after Riley, but Lucas already left once. Was because Maya told him to? Well, yeah, but he didn't fight. He just let it happen, let her go, thinking it was goodbye for good.

And if he would do that with her AND Peanut, well, Maya doesn't think she'll recover. Then she'll be a single parent, and she doesn't know if she wants to do that.

Her mom could barely handle it, how could she? Maya would be this absent parent, and she couldn't let that happen to her son.

Her son.

She was having a boy. Oh, the joy she felt when Doctor Jumpings told her. Actually it didn't matter what it was going to be, as long as it would be healthy. Although Maya felt more connected to Peanut when she heard it was a boy.

Maya just had this feeling that's it was going to be a girl.

But when she found out, oh boy. Maya wondered if Peanut would look like his father. Or like Maya. Or a combination of both.

Then she reminded herself that she wasn't ready to be a mom. She wasn't even a responsible adult. She ate pop tarts and pizza for the last four days!

And not to mention that she was going to be a horrible mother, no matter how many times her friends told her otherwise.

She was laying on the couch, watching this stupid TV-show about people crashing on an island, but she couldn't pay attention.

God, that kiss though.

It was two days ago, but the still could feel it on her lips. It was like a tingle.

Maya told herself to get him out of her mind.

Right at that moment, someone knocked at the door. For a second, she was afraid that it was Lucas. For the past days she had been avoiding him, and with that, also avoiding awkwardness. It was no secret that Lucas a avoiding them too, because since they all reconnected, Lucas had been eating dinner with them almost every day.

"Come in', she yelled, and continued eating the chocolate chip cookie dough.

She heard someone opening the door and walking in.

"Hey Maya', Farkle's voice said.

"Sup. Here for Riley?"

"No, for you.', he said, while sitting down on the coffee table in front of her. "I know Riley's still at the second meeting. I really hope she gets the job."

"Yeah, me too. It's her dream job.', Maya said softly. She already imagined Riley coming home after a very long day of work, but still full of energy and talking about all the happy faces of the kids when they adopted the pets at the animal shelter. And that would make Riley the happiest.

There was a silence. Maya didn't know what to say anymore.

Until Farkle opened his mouth. "Today an old college buddy of mine found out she was pregnant after a one night stand with a random dude she met at the bar. I was with her when she found out. She... She doesn't even know the name of the father."

Maya was sitting straight up. On contrary to their previous talks, which contained the opposite of a serious matter, she felt a serious conversation coming. One she hoped to avoid.

Wow. Maya really loves to avoid things.

"I would cry if I'd find out I was going to be a single parent', he confessed. "All the stress, all the planning and time and energy... I can't even imagine what you are going through, Maya. But I can't even imagine what you had to go through when..." he was searching the right words, Maya could tell "... when your baby died. You lost everything."

Maya started tearing up, knowing that if she opened her mouth, she would break down.

"And now again... I'm so sorry, Maya. I'm so sorry bout everything. About saying that you should do something so horrible. And leaving. And not coming back."

If it was five, six years ago, Maya would be furious. She would be so mad, she would hit him, and yell, until she was out of breath, take a small break, and continue.

"It's okay, Farkle. Really."

Now she wasn't mad anymore. It was such a long time ago, and sure, it was a dick move. But they were all in good places. Okay, maybe not in the best. But they were all together again. They were here for each other. And what would Maya achieve with staying mad?

Maya even noticed that he started to tear up, showing that he truly regretted his mistakes.

"I forgive you, Farkle. I really do. It was a long time ago, and we were all children. Too young, and making a lot of mistakes. Heck, I got pregnant in my second week of college. Not really a thing to be proud of. And yes, I'm sad that Felix didn't made it. I think he would be a great kid. And I'd love him with my whole heart. But I think you were right. Not about the abortion part, that's just an option for people who really don't have an other choice. But I had Lucas supporting me. I had Riley supporting me. My parents. Mrs and Mr Matthews. I had you and Zay too. And yes, what you said made me very upset. But in a way I really understand why you said that. Because, really, I don't think I could've made it. Being a mom is a lot of work. I can tell already, although I'm not going to be a mom. I think that if I had Felix, I would really love him, but I would hate my life. I probably couldn't finish college. Lucas couldn't either. I would have to stay at home, looking after the baby, while Lucas had to work a shitty job, because he didn't go to college. Having a baby means giving u a lot of things. Like money, time, freedom, your sense of smell, your body, and money, again. And I wasn't ready to give that up. I still am not. So yes, you practically said that Lucas and I shouldn't be parents yet and you were right. And it was stupid to drive you away. I hope it didn't break you too much."

Farkle smiled, glad that I said that. "I have to say, you guys actually did. I knew you since I was seven years, and I haven't been without you guys since. Being in a new place, already without you guys, was horrible and difficult. But being without you guys at all, was absolutely destroying me. I'm really embarrassed, but I almost failed all of my classes. I almost got kicked out. That my father gave me a long talk. It took almost three hours. But it helped. I slowly got back on my feet, and at the end of the school year, I was top of my class. But I really missed you guys. And I'm so glad I ran into Riley."

"Yeah, how did you actually run into Riley, Farkle?"

"Just.. You know', he lied.

Farkle, Riley was shopping in the lingerie department. I know, because she told me that. I don't think you had to buy a bra?"

Farkle's face turned bright red.

"Oh my god, Farkle! Were you stalking her?!"

"NO! Yes. Okay, maybe a little bit. Look, it's not like like that. I just saw her walking down the street when I was getting lunch. And I was a little bit too scared to just, say something, I mean, Maya, I've had a crush on her since I was seven and... She was so beautiful when I saw her again, even more beautiful then-"

"Stop, you're making me barf', Maya said.

Farkle laughed. "Anyway, without thinking I started following her, and indeed, ended up in the ladies underwear department. And when she turned around, I turned around and pretended to be, well, looking for lingerie. God, what she must had been thinking. But, anyway, she saw me, tapped on my shoulder and I acted surprised. And here we are."

"Oh, that's not so bad. I thought that you were going to tell about how you've been stalking Riley for the past three months, planning every single detail and they pretended to accidentally ran into her."

Maya laughed.

"No, just-"

Yet, again, she heard someone knocking on the door.

"Are... You expecting someone?"

Maya shook her head.

When she walked to the door, she honestly had no idea what she should expect. Lucas, with flowers in his hands (stupid hormonal fantasy, Maya!). Zay, ready to eat diner at 4 pm? Riley, who forgot her keys? Maybe even Shawn, Topanga or Cory, coming to check on her.

She only wished.

Even Mr. Gerald, her old kindergarten teacher who she truly hated, wouldn't seem so horrible compared to this.

Maya felt dizzy. For a second she saw black spots.

Nico stood there.

Nico fucking Costa.

Yes, the shitty ex-boyfriend and soon-to-be baby daddy of Peanut.

"N-nico?', Maya stuttered.

He stood there, with a nonchalant smile, like everything was going to be okay. Like she would just forgive him, and run back into his arms.

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm here for you Maya. You and Peanut!"


	9. Blissfully Enthused

**Yes, hello, I'm back again. This chapter came off wayyyy to easy, so I probably going to ave to suffer for that.**

 **This chapter continues right where we left, and Maya is going to decide something she actually doesn't want, but is it the right thing?**

 **Foreshadowing: Something that is pretty set right now, but people can make mistakes, right?**

 **Also I wanna thank you guys so much for all the reviews and followers, and every time you guys comment, it makes me wanna write more, so keep them coming!**

 **I just realized that my intro of the note is almost the same as the last one? Like wut? I'm just very tired hahaha.**

 **Have fun, my dear!**

* * *

Lucas just looked through the window. He barely had moved since he kissed Maya. Only for work.

Seriously, why would he do something like that. What was wrong with him.

He loves Maya, he really does, but.. Well, he doesn't really know what is happening right now.

When they were younger, Maya tended to push people away when they got too close. Everyone except Riley, who landed so close in her trusting circle, that there was no way that they ever could be separated. Maya even pushed Shawn and her mother too many times.

Ever since her father left, Maya had build this wall to protect herself from getting hurt, and he gets that.

Riley told Lucas what Maya had been going through when they were little.

She had bounced from apartment to apartment, every time a smaller one, in a crappier neighborhood. Katy Hart who already had to work so hard because Kermit blew every paycheck, had to work even harder to make sure her daughter wasn't going to be this poor, homeless child.

And Maya, who had gone from two parents, to a half, who could hear her mother crying every single night, who was only a child, couldn't understand why her mommy was so upset. Why they didn't celebrate Christmas anymore because her father left on Christmas night. Maya, who wouldn't have father's day celebrations anymore.

Maya didn't have a father like Riley had Cory, who would cuddle her when she was upset, take care of her when she was sick, and would always be there for her.

And for years, she hadn't even heard from him, not even a postcard on her birthday.

So in a way Lucas understands why Maya doesn't want to keep Peanut. Because she doesn't want Peanut to get through everything she went through.

But when Riley heard that Maya was going to give Peanut up, she called a private meeting with Farkle, Zay and Lucas.

She told them that although Maya is stubborn, if they would low-key try hard enough, she would learn that she is able to take care of Peanut, and that all her friends were going to be there for her.

But they had to be very subtle, otherwise Maya would freak out and push them all away.

So far they weren't really successful. And Lucas already knew that Maya didn't know the gender of Peanut. She could have found out months ago, but didn't because she was afraid to get attached. So when Maya was taking a shower, he called Doctor Jumpings, and asked her if she 'accidentally' could tell Peanut's sex.

And when Maya heard that Peanut was going to be a boy, he hoped that it would trigger the mommy feelings. But Maya could see right through his sticky little plan.

And after they were outside, he could see that big smile on her cheeks, and a warm glow in her eyes. Lucas even saw Maya gently putting her hand on her tummy.

Most people say that they forget how beautiful their loved one was. They forgot the details, like what color their hair is in the sun, or when they get those dimples when they're truly happy. How their laugh sounded. That little squeak made when excited.

Lucas never did. At first, he couldn't forget her, despite how much he wanted to. Late at night, she flashed into his head. He remembered how perfect she fit into his arms when they were asleep. How Maya put one leg over his, and although his leg fell asleep or went numb, he secretly enjoyed it.

Then he was happy that he couldn't forget her. Even when he got other girlfriends. They didn't stick very long, because none of them were perfect. Not like Maya was... Sometimes he even felt guilty, especially when he started to date Ashley. She didn't look like Maya, with her dark-skinned cheeks and explosion of curls. But she was just as fierce.

Ashley did notice that something, or someone, was holding them back, so after almost a year of dating, they broke up.

Lucas didn't really understand what she meant by that. Until Maya dropped her ice cream on him.

The past few months he felt relived, especially after he and Maya talked. And although the effect of their reunited friendship didn't last very long, he was glad it even happened.

Now he lost Maya, again, not only as potential lover, but also as friend.

"I don't want to lose Maya as a friend', he said to himself.

Lucas was determined to set things straight with Maya, _again._

So when he opened the door, walked 5 steps, and knocked on Maya's door, he didn't really expected to see Farkle sitting there without the presence of Riley. And especially not that artsy looking dude.

"Hi, uhm..." Lucas saw that Maya looked a little bit pale and stressed. After she took a deep breath, she said', Lucas, this is Nico, Peanut's father..."

Nico gave Lucas a dirty look, and Lucas immediately knew that Nico saw him as a threat.

"Nico wants Peanut."

* * *

"Okay, it's not like I want to claim it at all, Maya! Geez!"

God. Maya couldn't believe what kind of jerk he was.

Lucas was thinking the same thing. "What the hell! You can't just come in here and expect like Maya to trust you again" he said approaching Nico.

"Oh, I'm sorry, who are you?', sneered Nico, also taking a few steps towards Lucas.

Maya stepped between them. "Stop! Please!"

The boys avoided eye contact, and stared at their feet.

Maya turned to Lucas. "Lucas, Nico is Peanut's father, and I can protect myself."

Lucas looked Maya in the eyes, looking if she was okay, and if she was sure.

Maya gave him a little smile, showing she was.

Nico saw then looking at each other, and grabbed Maya by the shoulders. "Maya, you can't do this to our child! Let me take care of it!"

Maya calmly pulled herself out of his grip. "Guys, could we get a second?"

Lucas and Farkle, who didn't said anything since Nico entered the apartment, knew that Maya could handle this.

"Call us if you need us, Maya."

Farkle just squeezed in her shoulder and followed Lucas to his apartment.

After they were gone, Maya felt the rage again. Rage for all the pain.

"Him!', she snapped. "It's a him! And I won't let you anywhere near this child! You cheated on me and left me! God, I can't even believe this!"

"Maya, baby-"

"Don't call me that! Don't pretend like you love me! You broke me, Nico. You broke while I was on my fragilest. And you left. After my dad, my mom AND my friends did. You permanently broke me on my finest, Nico."

Nico rolled his eyes.

"What? Am I the bad guy now?"

Nico stared at Maya. "No, I think that you're being over dramatic. I broke you? You broke yourself! You pushed everyone away. Even Riley, even me, Maya. I honestly didn't get the feeling you loved me!"

"What? When!? When you called me at the middle of the night because you had a nightmare and I'd stay on the phone all night. When I suggested to live together, and you rejected me? And you suggested it two weeks later, pretending like it's all your plan. I was the first one to say I love you. I got pregnant! And you said it was going to be alright, Nico! You told me that we were going to be great. Meanwhile you were banging some slut! You're seriously blaming my abandonment issues on you cheating on your pregnant girlfriend!"

Nico just shuffled with his foots like a little child.

"Nico, you left your child already once. You first have to prove to me and your kid that you can be there for us. Maybe then I wont put the baby up for adoption. Three weeks from now, on the Tuesday, I have an ultrasound. Be there, Nico. After that no more chances. Then you blew it for this child and for me."

Nico jumped excitedly. "Thank you, Maya, I'll be there!"

Nico stepped towards Maya, ready to embrace her, but Maya put a step back.

"I'm sorry, I just got... Really exited."

Maya didn't say anything. Her face was expressionless. Did she just do the right thing? Was this a better option for Peanut? Growing up in a broken family? At least he has both of his parents, instead just Maya.

Nico opened the door, and Lucas and Farkle fell into the apartment, hinting that they were listening to their conversation.

Nico blinked at the boys, and continued to exit the apartment. "Bye Maya!"

Farkle was the first on to get up, looked at me, and said', Maya, what did you just do?"


	10. Think Deep Thoughts

**Damn, almost a month later...**

 **I'm so incredibly sorry! School started already, as you know, and I was also writing a new story; Love, Riley, an Love, Rosie/Where Rainbows End (movie+book) Riarkle AU. Just published, so make sure to check that out!**

 **As always, please let me know what you think about this chapter!**

 **And don't worry, more coming soon, I'm not even close to finishing this story!**

 **Special thanks to my patience readers, I srsly love you guys!**

* * *

It was late, already 9 or 10 o'clock. But they all waited on each other with dinner. Normally, this would be fun. They would tell each other about their day, Zay would crack some jokes, Farkle would tell something nobody understands, Lucas would tell about the absolutely crazy pet-stories from the clinic and Riley and Maya would complain about everything.

This was not like that kind of day. The minute Riley and Zay came in, Farkle told them everything about Nico. And so the heating discussion begin.

"Maya, I seriously don't think this is a very smart idea', Farkle begged.

"Farkle, this is Peanut's father we're speaking off!"', Zay said. "He has some rights to see and raise his child. And yes, he left them and is a complete jerk, but that doesn't change the fact that Peanut deserves to have a father." He aggressively pointed his fork at Farkle.

"In all defense', Riley started. "Nico seriously hurt Maya. He cheated, is irresponsible, a drunk and hasn't got a steady job!"

"What a surprise! Riley is on Farkle's side on this!"

"Hey, just because he's my boyfriend, doesn't mean I don't have an opinion of my own! And Peanut does need a father, but he doesn't need a stupid ass drunk excuse of a father. Not to mention, he already hurt Maya. He could do it again."

Lucas, who hasn't said anything all evening, suddenly looked up, with no emotion, but right at Maya.

Maya didn't look up. She was already sick of this conversation. She was sick of the choices she had. OR give Peanut up for adoption and never ever see her son again. OR let Peanut grow up in a broken family, one week with his mother and auntie and her boyfriend, one week with his slut of a father and his girlfriend-of-the-week. She also could say that she was going to raise Peanut all by herself... No. Not going to happen. Maya is too stubborn for that. She just... Needs more time. But the deadline is coming closer.

She wished she had another option. An exit. That she could just-

"Maya', Lucas said in a deep concerned tone, which interrupted her thoughts, "Did Nico hurt you physically?"

Maya felt all eyes on her. This, the 'tough' girl being hurt, was a very sensitive subject for them. And Maya never liked it.

Maya was somehow always causing drama, while Maya hated drama. This whole, pregnancy thing was causing so much drama, she could write a whole story about it.

Maya took a deep breath. Thinking about it without really imagining it. She didn't wanted to, of course.

"One time. When he was drunk, I tried to guide him to bed, but he pushed me and I fell. That's all. Really!" It was quiet for a little while, meaning that her friends bought the lie. "But really, guys, I appreciate the concern, but I'm doing what's best for Peanut. And everybody makes mistakes. So, let's just give him a chance, see where it goes."

"As long as you don't start to date him again!'. Farkle said strict.

"Absolutely not! If that happens, you can slap me, and take Peanut for yourself."

"Deal', Riley said a little bit to quick, and made everyone laugh.

Maya laughed with her friends, but she didn't really felt really good.

Maybe it was morning sickness, maybe it was just tiredness, maybe it was just the idea of a horrible man, whom she finally had let go, got back into her life like that and changed it for his own benefit. Again.

"I'm going to lay down', she whispered. She quickly stood up and walked over to her bedroom.

"But you barely touched your food', Farkle said, but Maya ignored it and closed the door of her bedroom.

She just wanted to be by herself. Thinking, about every scenario.

 _If I raise Peanut alone, I won't have enough time to spend with him. The first few years I will have to take him to daycare every single day for the next 4 years, and after that I will have to take him to school the next 16 years, until I send him off to college._

 _I will have to make money for both. Forever. On a middle school teacher salary._

 _If I allow to let Nico in his life, Peanut will have to transfer every weekend. He will be raised, knowing that his parents are never coming together and maybe even that love doesn't exist? He will be exposed to the lifestyle of his father, aka drugs, alcohol and sex. I know Nico. He won't be discrete about it._

 _But the real question. Does Nico earn it to be a father?_

 _If I give Peanut up for adoption, I'll always have to live with the fact that my baby is walking on this world. My baby who I never get to see anymore. Who OR will think that his adoption parents are his real parents OR who will hate me. But on the other side, I could find a very nice home with a stable family for Peanut. Peanut will have a great life, in a regular neighborhood, and two parents who need a child will be pleased._

 _Such a tough choices._

 _First let's see if Nico will actually show up._

* * *

It was hours later when she realized she'd fallen asleep.

Not until someone knocked on her door.

"Come in', she said sleepy.

It was Riley who entered.

"Hey, Peaches. I just wanted to see if you were okay."

Riley sat behind next to her on the couch besi. "I know you've been through a lot. And I want to help. In any way I can."

"I know you do', Maya said.

God, she loved her so much. Literately the only person who knew when she needed her, how she needed her and always gonna be there when she needs her.

"Right now, you can give me some advise. What would you do?"

Riley looked at her best friend, thought long and hard, and opened her mouth.

"I wouldn't give him a chance. He is a total dick and honestly, he doesn't deserve this from you. He is asking to much from you, and I'm afraid that he will take advantage of that."

Maya put her head on Riley's shoulder. "I know. He's the kind of person who would do that. It's so funny. Half a year ago, I would say that Nico and my relationship was perfect. He loved me and I loved him. But now I see that Nico treated me very bad. He always made me clean up stuff, cook diner and breakfast. Made me do the groceries. And he made me do it on this sweet, lovely way. Like softly whisper it in my ears. He always took money from me, at least $200-$300 a month. I don't know what he did with the money. Maybe blow it away on booze, hookers or gambling. He would get drunk three time a week. And not the funny, giggly, I pee in the closet kind of drunk. More like the, angry, aggressive kind of drunk. Aggressive to me, to his sister, to his friends. And what did I? I cleaned up his mess, paid for the damage in the bar, tickets to the police. I hid our bruises, replaced the vases and the lamps. I told nobody, because nobody needed to know. Not even you... I'm sorry, Riles."


End file.
